How to let go of anger and how I stay grounded

posted in: My Two Cents Worth | 8

Thank you for taking the time to join me ♥ Today I’m going to do my best to answer a couple of questions from my Facebook page, and hopefully tie the two questions together so they can be helpful to you. The first question is from a lovely lady named Sandrine who asked:

How would I work on getting rid of a lot of anger?

That’s a great question, and one that I personally have experience with. Would you agree that whenever you feel you’ve been wronged, whether it’s big or small, whether innocent or not, we feel – at our core – a level of injustice has been done?  It just doesn’t ‘sit’ right with us.

https://unsplash.com/@davidmonjeBut if I asked you to hold onto a candle, and hold it until the wax burned and ran over your skin, until the flame started to blister your hand – then cause sores and infection – would you do that?  You’re issue is ‘the candle’, and your holding onto it is the consequences of not putting it down – or better yet – blowing it out.

For those who follow my blog, be it on my site, iTunes or YouTube channel, you may notice a theme of mine:  recognise, feel, and let go.  The same process goes with getting rid of anger.  But let me clarify – you will never get rid of anger – that’s like saying we’ll get rid of rainy days or bad weather. That feeling and emotion will always exist, what you must work on is not getting rid of it, but allowing it to move through you, aka. letting go of it.

  1. The first step is recognising, or becoming aware of, your anger.  Whether you’re angry with yourself, or another – just recognise what it is that makes you angry. This is probably the easiest part of the process.
  2. The next step is feeling it – but not dwelling in it.  I feel it’s healthy to allow the emotion to well up, then let it out in a constructive way – not a destructive way. Go for a walk, play some rock music and yell out at the top of your lungs.
  3. The last step is to then let it go. You let it go a little bit in the previous step, but this is like a ‘cake-topper’ step. Let go by choosing not to dwell on it and re-focus on something good.  And the way you do this is by asking yourself this question, “What benefit do I give myself by conjouring up these angry feelings? Does it help my health? Does it help the situation? Does it help me?”  The answers will all be no — so with that knowledge, you can then let it go.

If and when the anger comes up again, be it right away or later, just repeat the steps: recognise, feel and then do something constructive with the energy, then turn your focus onto realising that feeling this emotion is not helpful – so you can then focus on ones which are.

There is no healthy way to switch off your emotions, so don’t get discouraged if this takes you quite a few times – many hours, days, weeks or months. Your tranquility and peace is worth this small effort – and I think you can agree, it takes just a small amount of effort to achieve this.

The second question I was asked on Facebook was from Kristie, who wanted to know:

How do I stay grounded?

Firstly, I want to make very clear to everyone that I’m just like you.  I feel the same waves of emotions you do – from boredom to stress and everything in between. I experience the ups and downs, I see the problems around me and I have my own, too.  While I’ll spare you from the minute details of my daily routine, I would like to explain that the most valuable component of it is humility.

That’s not to say I don’t have an ego, or think I’m right sometimes even when I’m wrong! But when I say humility, I mean that I do my best to consider others before I act, react, or say something. It’s not always easy to keep the mental space between the real you, you know, the one inside, and the outer world – so taking the time to consider others can be a challenge, especially if you’re under pressure.

But what truly what keeps me grounded is remembering that everyone is different, everyone’s life experiences are different, and while I may have an expectation of a certain outcome or response, my happiness is not connected to that expectation.  If it’s not met, then it’s not met, and I move on.  I can only control what happens in here – within myself – and that’s a constant daily lesson, too.  I go to school everyday I wake up, and learn something new about myself, even if it’s incredibly subtle.

Melissa 🙂

What’s my daily routine?

Okay, I’ve rambled enough there! So I’ll quickly explain a day in my life 🙂  I wake up around 6.30am and I go through a process of gratitude – out loud: I thank my body, thank my home, thank my life, thank my students, thank my health and so on.  I then go for a walk with my husband Shawn. I usually have a cup of coffee with almond/coconut milk and something light to eat, whether just a fresh juice or gluten free toast.

During the day I work through emails, questions, and so on. I usually have a decent size lunch, I’m vegan when at home – so it’s usually a range of vegetables and I love the Quorn products to make things like tacos or ‘burgers’. During lunch I’ll also do some simple stretches and re-energising movements.

I typically do all my client and healing work in the evening, and I don’t normally have dinner, I usually just have some herbal tea or maybe something very small like a handful of nuts. Then I go through my evening routine of stretching, yoga, meditation and self healing.  And if I have student attunements scheduled, I do those – which I love 🙂 I love reading, so I often have a book next to my bedside and am usually asleep by 10.30pm or 11pm.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this blog and got something from it my sweet friends. Just remember, you are truly beautiful just as you are – you just need to remember that. Namaste and #biglove

8 Responses

  1. Wonderful post – thank you so much for sharing this!

  2. Geoffrey Oliver

    Thanks you for taking time on how to reduce anger. I listen to you on Sunday and it may me look at anger in a different light thank you Geoff Oliver . England Harlow Essex

    • Thank you so much for taking the time to check out my post Geoffrey, I’m glad this has helped you! Keep shining your beautiful light my friend! #biglove

  3. Great info. What I would like to know is how to deal with outrage over the current problems happening in our country and the world? I get so angry when I hear news about Mr. Trump is rolling back National Monument protections, arctic drilling, and on him alone I could go on and on. Of course there are non-political issues happening that anger me as well because it seems so many people choose ignorance out of fear instead of trying to build bridges. I also get angry over how people pervert God by stating natural disasters are God’s punishment for whatever the hatred of the day is, this even comes from supposedly educated people too.

    I try to let go of it as you stated. I avoid the news because I feel helpless to stop all of this but it slips into conversations with others. My anger over these issues are so great that if I were still in the military I would end up in the brig for telling Mr. Trump I took an oath to protect my country from all enemies, foreign and domestic. Freedom of speech is being eroded, civil liberties are being ignored, etc. If you voice these things anymore the government is more likely to call you a terrorist than listen to well reasoned objections.

    So, how do you deal with that kind of anger?

  4. Letting go is definitely the way to go. Then, I follow it up with praying for the person who slighted me. I feel happier and much lighter afterwards.

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