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Continuously learning about how we, as humans, tend to harbor negative energy (aka. emotions) and project them inward (to create illness) or cast it onto others (creating some form of abuse) is part and parcel of what an energy healer like myself does. Recognising, feeling, and understanding the reasons behind these negative emotions and then – most importantly – diffusing and letting them go is essential for us all to live happier and healthier lives. It’s a constant ‘work in progress’ for everybody, and one that we should never stop working at.

Photo morguefile.com/creative/ecerroni
Photo morguefile.com/creative/ecerroni

I stumbled upon a book called The Narcissist You Know, which has been a great insight on the root causes of extreme narcisissm; which comes back to core shame, not feeling worthy of love, or not feeling loved. While I’ve learned a lot about the various levels and types of narcissism from the book, the one thing that keeps recurring is how narcissists are incurable. While I do agree with the aurthor in that whenever there is physical danger or emotional abuse in play: walking away is the best way to cope in that moment; what doesn’t resonate with me is the incurable theme.

I’m not saying an extreme narcissist can do a long-term 180 degree turn (well, actually I think they can, but they must be willing to be humble enough to change, then that change happens in an instant), but as a healer – I just can’t turn my back on those souls who are acting out because they do not believe they are worthy of love at their core.

I won’t attempt to explain all the elements of what a narcissist is, as there are plenty of authoritative websites out there that can tell you all about it. But just so we’re all on the same page here, it’s important to recognise that we all have a little bit of those tendencies within us. Just like every other part of you and your life, there is a sliding scale: from mild to extreme. Sometimes you’re slightly irritated, then sometimes more, then maybe every now and then – extremely irritated (or even angry). You can say the same sliding scale applies to boredom, happiness, sadness, and so on.

So with narcissism, sometimes you can be a little egocentric (unloading all your worries on someone else yet forgetting to ask them how they are) – that sort of happens in the course of life and we can all typically shrug off that sort of instance with little to no long-term affect. Where things get sticky is when its intensity increases to the point where the person forgoes all empathy and understanding for others: extreme. That’s when your life gets entangled and handling the situation gets difficult.

Just because dealing a narcissist is hard doesn’t mean we should emotionally abandon them. No matter the complexity of how they got to their narcissistic state, or at what time in their life it became a problem, they all suffer from intense shame which results in low- to no self worth, low- to no self esteem and are incredibly lonely in their heart of hearts.

They lash out in anger, either verbally or physically, as a primordial defense mechanism with little thought or reflection that the very thing they just did is what drives away the one thing they want: to feel love and acceptance.

I’m not suggesting to pander to the needs of an extreme narcissist and pretend the situation isn’t insane or hurtful, and by no means should you ever allow your own beautiful energy and self worth be depleted by the situation. Please always protect yourself and walk away if you must.

Photo morguefile.com/creative/Prawny
Photo morguefile.com/creative/Prawny

I just ask you to stop and think about how sad that place must be to live in. To constantly feel as though you must fight for your existence – as though everybody doesn’t want you here. To grab at, demand for, and seduce adoration and popularity (which is a poor replacement for true love) into their lives – as though love is not abundantly available everywhere. So what do we do?

Would you agree that hatred begets hatred? That if you are sitting in a dark room with no windows or doors, and keep the light switched turned off, there will just be more dark? That is the world of an extreme narcissist.

Because they repel others through their egocentric, strange and sometimes (very) horrid behaviour, the energy they get back from their surrounding is more of the same: anger, hatred, negativity. If you follow my loving energy blog or have taken my Reiki Master course, you will know what that does to the offender. It simply loads them up with more of the feelings they are trying to run from. You are not turning on any lights for their darkness by hating them; at the very least we must light a candle in hopes they’ll eventually find their way.

Again, I’m not saying you should try to reach out with open arms when a narcissist is in a fit or rate – not at all! Quite the opposite! Protect yourself first and foremost!  But you, my sweet listeners, as the more stable soul, as the more centred energy being, once you shake off their hysterics – I ask you to send them love. This might sound a bit airy fairy, but if you fill your mind with horrid thoughts of your abuser, curse them, and despise them (although they may deserve every bit of it) — you are sending that negative energy to them and keeping them in a very cold, lonely place. Empathise! Understand how desperate they must be to act that way, that in their core (despite their arrogance and actions) they feel more horrible and more unloved than you can fathom.

You will do more good for all to send them love. It doesn’t mean you forgive them, it doesn’t mean they’re right. What it means is you’re rising above the madness and sending them positive love & light. Just two steps to remember:

  1. Visualise: Picture them in your mind, feel the welling of love in your heart, then send that love with positive words such as “Betty, here is the way to love” and “Craig, you are worthy of love” and “Father, you are capable of love”. This surrounds them with the kind of energy that, either in volume or over time, will affect them in a positive way.  Neither of you may ever physically see it, but it will affect them in a loving way. I believe this to be truth.
  2. Move on: Dwelling in the past does not help anybody. What happened was probably horrid, but you are now heading forward, so face that direction, put those emotional bags down, and walk that way. It’s not easy, but your awareness and the love that you know is always with you will see you through. Even if you have to continue living with the narcissist, the act of moving on emotionally ensures you don’t harbour that negative energy within you (therefore you won’t develop emotional baggage at someone else’s expense). And for those of you who are able to completely remove yourself from the narcissist’s life, do not forget them – keep sending them love.
Photo morguefile.com/creative/diannehope
Photo morguefile.com/creative/diannehope

I’m aware that extreme narcissism is dangerous, so this technique is only to be used when you’re in a safe place (or are not with the abuser), and if it suits your situation. Be wise in these situations, and use these healing tips appropriately; this isn’t about replacing professional and experienced help, quite the contrary, I actually highly recommend it because the abuser and victim will likely have a tangled mess of things to sort through, either independently or together, such as anger management or self worth issues.

So please, if you’re in any sort of danger, don’t close your eyes and send them love right then, that will just provoke the situation. Take care of yourself fist. Use this loving healing wisely, not fool-heartedly.

For me, this is really how we can heal – through love. We cannot expect anybody to heal when we send them anger, hatred and spite. And as a victim of narcissist abuse, you cannot truly recover from that trauma if you continue to harbour that dark place in your heart. Let the love & light in – and the darkness will go.

Diffuse. Love. Move on. So much love & light to you my friends, Namaste xo

17 thoughts on “Natural healing for narcissists. Dark cannot exist in the light.”

  1. I’m a few years late for this post but it has been very helpful, so I thought I’d add a comment.
    I’m pretty sure my father has some kind of personality problem like Narcissism, I’m in my 50’s and have only just realised, but I’m sure it has been brewing in my subconscious for awhile. When it became conscious, I was very hurt and had to go ‘no contact’ whilst I recovered and tried to understand what the problem is.
    I’ve been trying to work out how my father can stop behaving this way, then finding out, like others, that they can’t be healed unless they recognise that they have a problem, and they don’t. So, it’s nice that you have thought of how healing and love can be sent remotely. I’m going to try it and hopefully it works.

    1. Thank you so much for stopping by Jane, I’m glad this was helpful for you! And yes, one can only truly change when *they* realise what hurdles they put up – and then want to change themselves. Love and light to you sweet friend, sending love it a beautiful and kind thing you can do for your father 🙂 x

  2. Deepest gratitude for your inspiring blog. Ive narrowly escaped with my life from a narcissist. The abuse was horrific, unfathomable. From loving partner to violent monster at a heartbeat. I did have to go no contact to protect myself and my children and get a protection order. Yet it feels so right to send him love, even after all the cruel mallicious treatment. I truly felt his soul and know its the darkness that he is burried in that causes suffering to himself and people that love him. Thankyou for this healing post. May we all strengthen and rise in love xx

    1. Thank you so much for stopping by Kat, and I’m so glad you found this post useful! I’m also happy to hear you’re still able to send love, despite the horrible past – healing is all about letting go, forgiving and moving forward so well done! Keep shining sweet friend! x

  3. I lived with a narcissist for 35 years. I had no idea what he was doing to me. I just thought i was worthless, ugly, a nut case. Not because he told but because that is how he made me feel. I would rather be alone the rest of life than to ever have to live that way again. Since separating it is so much worse. He has become 3 times more horrible. I have asked myself why i want to live many times. I hate his hell and being an em-path for the most part i have kept my mouth shut. We live in a small town and i am the horrible person. He is with a veterans group and so he has the backers and the people to tell to do the gossiping. The stares i get and the things that must be being said about me. This is very real and this takes people lives. Tread lightly on the way you approach this. Do not make an abuser of a narcissist believe it is in the head. They already have enough problems without you adding to those thoughts in there head. Forgiveness is appropriate or you are giving the narcissist what they want! But to do what you are saying is not for the abused who are trying to heal. They are the ones who need the reiki and they are the ones that need to heal. Narcissist do not and will not change or listen even to anyone. They are the cruelest people to walk the earth. If you are or know a narcissist or someone who wants you to feel negative all the time or talk you down to your face or to others. RUN and RUN as fast as you can. Do not stay if you do not have to even in the same town. Go some where and heal become stronger then come back and face them. Do not get in a relationship with anyone till you know you can come back tell them what you need to and then walk away again. Make sure your heart has learned what a narcissist is. At the same time remove all negative people in your life. Then perform reiki long distance on them after you yourself are no longer in the dark. You are your number one concern after one of these beings has controlled you.

    1. Hi Pam, thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your story! It sounds like you’ve been through a lot – and I also agree fully that victims of narcissism do indeed need healing, and to remove themselves from harm! 100%! Keep shining your light sweet friend x

  4. Loved this blog, it really resonated with me. I lived with a gambling addict for a number of yrs. He absolutely refused help in any
    way shape or form. My question is would l have to ask him if l could give him a healing? l know he would refuse as he refuses to believe he has a problem.

    1. Hi Mary, thank you so much for stopping by and I’m glad you like my post! That’s a good question, and if you’re going to do a full Reiki session, or a full energy healing session, it is best practice to ask for permission. However, for the purpose of helping a narcissist (because they don’t ever believe they need help), when simply sending them positive loving energy (as per the steps in this blog), asking for permission isn’t necessary. Unless you feel the need to 😉 I hope that helps Mary – much love & light to you sweet friend x

  5. Thank you. Thank You, THANK YOU! This is EXACTLY what I was thinking, and was wondering if I’m nuts, since everyone else will tell you the opposite, and how healing is impossible for a narcissist.

    I thought I was the only one person in the world who wants to view a narcissist as an injured by former abuse human, not as a perpitraper.

    I’m very new to Reiki, and do not know very much about it.

    So my question now is, HOW do you help them?

    Sending love remotely (as I read in the previous comment) is a familiar concept to me, as well as not harboring the baggage on my side. These are definitely productive ways, but they are just small pieces of the puzzle (I feel).

    Is there a system, or a course, or a book on how to achieve this healing?

    1. Hi Helena, thank you for stopping by and I’m so glad you enjoyed this post! Oh bless, you don’t have to ‘learn’ how to send love in a specific way in order to help someone, if you scroll up in this blog post, I explain the couple of steps so anyone can do it 🙂 However, if you feel pulled to learn more about the ‘how to’ of energy healing, and if you haven’t already – my free self healing course is a great place to start and from there, if you’re interested in learning more about how to send distance healing using Reiki methods, my Reiki I, II + Master Course may be of interest to you 😉 Either way, keep shining your light for others sweet friend! #biglove

  6. Fantastic blog. I only ever get to read negative things about narcissism like cut them off or how to beat them. My ex husband is narcissist due to a bad relationship with a narcasistic father. I use to view him as cold hearted after he cheated lied during our marriage . Since time has gone on and doing reiki I now see him as an insecure lost soul who since me has moved from one bunch of friends or girlfriend to the next to destroy his own happiness repeatedly. The only thing he had ever been consistent with is our son who offers him unconditional love and that’s the real him I believe beneath the scars. I know am sending him healing daily and have repaired our friendship in order to try and help him heal.
    I’ll keep you updated

    1. Hi Caron, thank you so much for checking out my blog – and I’m so happy it resonated with you! Yes, I agree – there is only ever negative and bad things out there about narcissism, and while I don’t condone the behaviour at all — we forget they’re like that because they are, as you say, lost souls. And they need love, even if from afar 🙂 I thank you for supporting that with your ex husband, although it wasn’t right for you two to be together, he sounds like a great father! Keep shining your light Caron! Big love xo

  7. Great!!! Exactly what I think too, and was wondering if im crazy to give reiki treatments from a distance to the narcissist boyfriend/soon becoming ex unfortunately. Im not sure if im hallucinating, but it seems every time I send him light and love he feels very good the next tme i see him, and when i start having negative thoughs about him again, suddenly he becomes angry and unpredictable the next days. I believe narcissists are in fact very sensitive to other people’s energy and it affects them a lot. Maybe the universe brings people with lots of light and those with lots of darkness together to create some sort of healing process. One way or another, I prefer believing that rather than the very popular theory that they dont have a soul and are “a shell of a human being”… i think hate and anger have not help me at all resolve this situation, even if its totally justified. The only way is to meditate my way into leting go of it. If I hate, i become as toxic as the person I think is abusing me. But when i remember that i love myself and don’t need to be subjected to abuse in my mind, no one could ever start to diminish the light that’s in my soul. If i hold on to that long enough, all violence falls apart and my life soon reflect that with love, joy and good circumstances. You can do it. Remember, even the most difficult emotion is just the passng of a thougt.

    1. Hi Edy, thank you so much for taking the time to visit my blog, and to leave this comment! Bless, I am so inspired by you! What you do, meditating your way through it so that light in your soul never fades, is so beautiful! Such good advice, “even the most difficult emotion is just a passing of a thought” Thank you for sharing sweet friend and keep shining!

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