Pack it up, put it down, walk away. How to truly forgive.

Truly forgive and lighten the load of your life.

I believe the act of true forgiveness is one of the strongest forces we can experience, whether you’re the forgiver or the one being forgiven. What’s more, true forgiveness means that you don’t carry the weight of the event on your shoulders for the rest of your life.

And while its very nature is gentle, the act of forgiving can strengthen your inner core like nothing else. Yes, forgiveness does include the softening of once hard feelings, but the process of relaxing that rigidity is by no means synonymous with weakness.

How it makes you stronger.

Holding onto negativity, even if you were indeed slighted and hurt, does not strengthen you spiritually or physically. It’s actually quite the contrary.

Carrying around the bitterness associated with an offence is like a keeping a wound, on the verge of healing, open and susceptible to inflammation and pain. You may forget it’s there or try to cover it up, but if someone bumps into it – oh boy! There you go! You’re right back where you were, as if the event was happening all over again.

And over time, that negative energy in your body, which never heals, can transform into physical ailment very easily.

So unless you want to tip-toe through life with emotional land mines all around you, then intentionally working through whatever the issue was and letting go of the negative emotions associated with it is the only way to get that wound to finally heal.

And once you do, you won’t feel much, if anything, if the old wound is grazed again. As a matter of fact, you will be able to recall the event as if a spectator watching a show – and potentially even wish the offender well.

The forgiveness barometer.

We each have our own internal forgiveness ‘barometer’ with the gauge constantly fluctuating from one extreme to the other. It’s true, just think about it! There are some misgivings which we’ll pardon without much effort, while others are like lead weights around our ankles, disallowing us to move anywhere near forgiveness.

The biggest challenge for each of us is how willing we are to allow ourselves to truly forgive – not as a matter of acquiescing, or trying to hush things up, or by allowing someone to be right or wrong – but for our own health, our own good. It’s a long, long road ahead if you’re not willing to put down all the issues you pick up along the way…

So here are three easy steps that I personally to do to help offload the ‘excess’ baggage in my life:

1. Pack it up.

Almost all of us can do this ‘pack it up’ part with little thought. Whatever the event or issue, we take it and bundle into a little emotional package. Some of us throw it on our back. Some of us put it in a pocket. Some of us parade it around and show others at every opportunity.

Packing up the negative instance is a great first step, because it allows us to look at the issue, analyse, criticise, and try to make sense of it. But in and of itself the act of packing it up is not forgiveness. All you’ve done is package up another piece of emotional luggage that you may carry through the rest of your life. That’s unless you move onto the next step…

2. Put it down.

This process tends to be harder than the first step, because it involves you displacing the negativity from your being and removing it from your core. You may wonder at my comment, thinking – why would anyone want to keep associating with a negative thing that happened in their life? Yes, it’s a little odd, but over time, people do start to identify with their sad stories, their fears and woes. Even to the point where they talk of them almost like badges of honour.

Depending on where you packed up the issue and how long ago you started carrying it, putting it down can indeed be difficult. However, the recognition that – no matter how old, fresh, small or severe the issue is – choosing not to carry it anymore is freeing and liberating beyond belief. It will allow you to finally breathe easier.

I’d like to be very clear here though. I’m not saying to pretend it didn’t happen, that’s not the step. This step is to realise you are carrying something that no longer serves your greatest and highest good. So put it down. Stop carrying it. However, putting it down, while a milestone in your forgiveness process, just means it’s there but you’re just not carrying it.

Perhaps right beside you, or behind you, or in front of you. Meaning you can pick up it far too easily again. So this last step, the hardest one, it the most vital.

3. Walk away.


So walking away doesn’t negate the fact that horrible or sad event ever happened. It doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt you. It doesn’t mean you are heartless or insensitive. In conjunction with the first two steps above, walking away empowers you to move on with your life. It’s strengthens you as you realise you do indeed have control over it and how much it will impact your life.

You know what happened, because you packed it up. You understand that while it did happen, it’s not part of you, because you put it down.  And walking away allows you to put distance between you and it, thus creates the space on your path to welcome bigger and better things into your life.  You won’t have the urge to pick it up again because it’s no longer near you — and you are too busy moving forward, looking ahead.

Rinse & repeat.

While this is indeed a three-step process, it’s not necessarily a once-off one. You may find you have to repeat a step or two to truly be able to walk away. But the love and light you will feel once you truly forgive is worth the exercise.  

Remember, you are worth it – so don’t give up.  I say that because this process has truly helped me in my life, and I hope it gives you some insights on how you can walk your life’s journey only carrying things which serve your greatest and highest good.  Big love to you my friends, namaste. xo

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78 thoughts on “Pack it up, put it down, walk away. How to truly forgive.”

  1. … I already finished the chakra course, and the reiki course is even more wonderful.

    I have heard this message about forgiveness so many times before, from so many wise spiritual teachers. They all say it will improve your health, and I can believe that.

    But I can’t get past something – the feeling that forgiving someone’s deliberate injury, perhaps an atrocity, is like me saying “It’s OK, I don’t mind”. I can detach from the event, but some things I find it difficult to forgive.

    Please help me to understand how forgiving is not the same as saying “It’s OK, I don’t mind”, and I will be grateful. Thank you!

    1. Namaste Hal, thank you so much for stopping by and I’m so glad you’re enjoying our journey together! With regards to your question, it’s probably been difficult to fully understand because everyone of us experiences life in our own unique way – thus our definitions of forgiveness will be unique to ourselves and our situations.

      To provide my view, speaking generally, I feel forgiveness is very different to what you quoted “It’s OK, I don’t mind”. What you refer to (“I don’t mind”) is *indifference* which is not forgiveness.

      Please understand that forgiveness, to me, is *not* saying you’re agreeing or acquiescing to the wrong-doing – far from it. Forgiveness (again, to me) is about *understanding* what has happened, *why* it happened (even if unjustified and difficult to comprehend), and to feel some level of mercy/empathy for the wrong-doer. It’s not always easy to do, but forgiveness is to try and understand that their wrong-doing was a result of them having (a) true ignorance of their wrong, and/or (b) true ignorance of the impact they have on others, and/or (c) them having a complete lack of positive nurturing/guidance in their lives.

      When we forgive, we have empathy for the wrong-doer (as well as who or whatever was at the ‘wrong’ end of the action). We forgive and feel empathy because we know they are living in darkness and that they think the only way out (for happiness, love, acceptance, etc.) is to do negative or harmful things/actions to others. But to be clear, we are not forgiving or feeling empathy for the repercussions that the wrong-doing must pay/serve for the wrong doing. They are still responsible for their actions. When I say to feel empathy (thus forgiveness) for *them*, I’m referring to the *true* them (their *soul*), because the *true* them does not know (remember) the greatness they come from, nor the greatness they’re a part of, nor the greatness they can create.

      I hope my perspective is helpful Hal, and that you keep shining your light! Big love to you <3

  2. Thank you Mellisa. I have done all these things unknowingly. you have beautifully listed out. I am now more energetic to live the remaining life easily, I feel.

  3. This is so helpful. I have packed and carried around for so long that setting them down and walking away could provide so much healing relief. Thank you for sharing this process. xx

    1. Thank you so much for stopping by Deb, and bless! I’m so glad this was helpful for you and that you were able to finally let go of the ‘baggage’ you’ve been carrying around for so long. You are most welcome, and I hope you keep shining your light! Big love x

  4. Sherry Darbonne

    Thank you. I know I pack it up because I easily see what it was. If I put it down, it’s very close to me. I think I think of my package as protection against the same hurt happening again. But it does not protect me. If fact it only causes new issues to feel that much worse because the package gets put on top of the new issue. I see that I need to work on walking away probably many times. These steps make sense to me. Thanks.

    1. Namaste Sherry, thank you so much for stopping by and bless! Your self-awareness does you much credit – seeing these steps and identifying which one you need to fully do shows you’re ready for that last step! I do hope it proves helpful to you and I send much love, light & protection to you along your journey, big love! x

  5. Reading this helped me to realize that although I’ve done a lot of “packing up”, I haven’t fully let go. I’ve continued to pick things up and don’t believe I have truly walked away from much. This process is going to help me to truly let go. Thank you!

    1. Thank you so much for stopping by Brittney, and I’m so happy to hear this process is valuable for you! Bless you and the ‘lightening of your load’ for your journey sweet friend, big love x

  6. Its easier to let go of negative energy and not carry it around so it doesn’t have impact on your life and try and walk away a happier person with no negative feelings for better health thanks mellissa this has been a blessing to listened to and makes me think of the reiki precepts .

      1. Ramya Priyadarshini

        Hi Melissa

        Thanks a lot for the attunement. I am so glad I part of this journey. I am seeing a lot of changes in me in terms of positivity but sometimes wrong thoughts also come. I am unable to control or let go. You were absolutely right my throat chakra is impacted I am having some issues in hearing. How.can.i talk to you? I have so many questions

        1. Namaste Ramya, thank you for your message and bless, it was my honour! I’m so glad some of the observations I made resonate with you <3 Please refer to the "how to get in touch with Melissa" lecture of the course on how to converse with me about your ceremony sweet friend, thank you so much and big love to you!

  7. Maria Zankiewicz

    Hello Melissa, (it’s my first post here!) Thank you for this! You explained the process. Forgiveness, it is possible! I began my energy healing journey from toxic relationships, about a year ago. Self-reflection from my childhood helped. I am so grateful for strength, love and courage to rise above. I am connecting, and will continue to learn, develop and contribute wellness for ourselves, mother nature and our pets 🙂 Happy New Year!

  8. This is wonderful! I know it will take practice to fully walk away but the visual here will definitely help. Thank you so much! I’m currently working on the Reiki course and loving it. I have done up to level 2 before and even volunteered at a hospice center but I feel like I am learning so much more this time around. Thank you so much!!

    1. Thank you so much for stopping by Shelly, I’m so glad to hear this was helpful for you – and that you’re enjoying our journey together! Please stay safe, big love to you!

  9. Namaste Melissa. 🙂
    Your course is slowly helping me look inward.

    I sometimes miss to acknowledge that i am carrying a baggage.
    But fear keeps creeping in. Unable to understand the root cause.
    Does it apply to the sadness of someones death? hardtimes in the family?
    How to let go of this baggage.
    Thank you.

    1. Thank you for stopping by Shruti, I’m so glad you’ve enjoyed our journey together! Please just continue to practice the steps in this post – it might take you a few tries before you get the hang of it! Keep moving forward sweet friend, good luck and big love!

    2. Such informative and empowering aspects. Not forgiving is as I read somewhere, digging up old Graves. So it is actually good to let go and let God. Thanks once more for the extract.

  10. Thank you for this beautiful post. I am in the process of “packing up” a lot of things right now, but I will need the rest of this process. Thank you for shining your light on that.

  11. Hi Melissa,
    I have been doing a lot of work on forgiving a certain issue with my partner and it has been challenging for me to find a method that works and really sticks. I feel like somehow if I “forgive it” I then let the issue slide and let it “be okay” when it was not… These 3 steps feel good and really resonate with me greatly and I feel it will work for me (all along I have been missing the third step!) but I wonder if you perhaps have a guided meditation or can recommend one to do when I feel I need a rinse and repeat?

    Thanks so much, I feel and know this course has come at exactly the right time for me. XX


    1. Hi Allie, thank you so much for stopping by and I’m so glad my steps resonate and work for you! Right now I don’t have the 3-steps in just a meditation format, but I do have it on my list of things ‘to do’ and hope to have one released in the coming month. In the meantime, you might just want listen to my 2-minutes with your sacred self meditation here, consider taking my Meditation course where I provide a few guided meditations about negative thoughts and fear, or Google a forgiveness meditation 🙂 I hope that helps, and hope you continue to blossom that sweet spirit of yours! Big love x

        1. Hi Allie,

          I’ve found the Ho’Oponopono meditation really helpful. If you search for Aaron Doughty and Ho’Oponopono, you’ll find a video where he explains it and then takes you through it.


  12. I am loving this course. I have been stuck on the second step with a huge issue with my family for many years not knowing where to go from here. I am so relieved to think about just walking away from the issue. It has been packed up, I have put it down and now you have shown me how to walk away from it. Thank you so very much. I know now that if I find anything in the way again I can follow these steps. Thank you for your kind and sage advice. Namaste.

    1. Hi Elizabeth, thank you so much for stopping by! I’m so glad you’re enjoying our journey together, and that this post was helpful for you! You are most welcome, and I hope you keep shining sweet friend, big love!

  13. The way this is write makes it easy to follow. And allows you to truly remove any and all negative energy from yourself. And to enjoy the positive energy. Thank the gods we have a great teacher. May the gods continue to bless you in all things. #biglove #atrueblessing #spiritualteachings

  14. This 3 step process is, in my mind, a productive form of visualization. You can see each step in your minds eye. It’s much like boxing up something, dropping it off at the post office, and simply walking out the door. You do so with the confidence that it will reach it’s final destination and you no longer have a need to carry it with you.

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