Truly forgive and lighten the load of your life.
I believe the act of true forgiveness is one of the strongest forces we can experience, whether you’re the forgiver or the one being forgiven. What’s more, true forgiveness means that you don’t carry the weight of the event on your shoulders for the rest of your life.
And while its very nature is gentle, the act of forgiving can strengthen your inner core like nothing else. Yes, forgiveness does include the softening of once hard feelings, but the process of relaxing that rigidity is by no means synonymous with weakness.
How it makes you stronger.
Holding onto negativity, even if you were indeed slighted and hurt, does not strengthen you spiritually or physically. It’s actually quite the contrary.
Carrying around the bitterness associated with an offence is like a keeping a wound, on the verge of healing, open and susceptible to inflammation and pain. You may forget it’s there or try to cover it up, but if someone bumps into it – oh boy! There you go! You’re right back where you were, as if the event was happening all over again.
And over time, that negative energy in your body, which never heals, can transform into physical ailment very easily.
So unless you want to tip-toe through life with emotional land mines all around you, then intentionally working through whatever the issue was and letting go of the negative emotions associated with it is the only way to get that wound to finally heal.
And once you do, you won’t feel much, if anything, if the old wound is grazed again. As a matter of fact, you will be able to recall the event as if a spectator watching a show – and potentially even wish the offender well.
The forgiveness barometer.
We each have our own internal forgiveness ‘barometer’ with the gauge constantly fluctuating from one extreme to the other. It’s true, just think about it! There are some misgivings which we’ll pardon without much effort, while others are like lead weights around our ankles, disallowing us to move anywhere near forgiveness.
The biggest challenge for each of us is how willing we are to allow ourselves to truly forgive – not as a matter of acquiescing, or trying to hush things up, or by allowing someone to be right or wrong – but for our own health, our own good. It’s a long, long road ahead if you’re not willing to put down all the issues you pick up along the way…
So here are three easy steps that I personally to do to help offload the ‘excess’ baggage in my life:
1. Pack it up.
Almost all of us can do this ‘pack it up’ part with little thought. Whatever the event or issue, we take it and bundle into a little emotional package. Some of us throw it on our back. Some of us put it in a pocket. Some of us parade it around and show others at every opportunity.
Packing up the negative instance is a great first step, because it allows us to look at the issue, analyse, criticise, and try to make sense of it. But in and of itself the act of packing it up is not forgiveness. All you’ve done is package up another piece of emotional luggage that you may carry through the rest of your life. That’s unless you move onto the next step…
2. Put it down.
This process tends to be harder than the first step, because it involves you displacing the negativity from your being and removing it from your core. You may wonder at my comment, thinking – why would anyone want to keep associating with a negative thing that happened in their life? Yes, it’s a little odd, but over time, people do start to identify with their sad stories, their fears and woes. Even to the point where they talk of them almost like badges of honour.
Depending on where you packed up the issue and how long ago you started carrying it, putting it down can indeed be difficult. However, the recognition that – no matter how old, fresh, small or severe the issue is – choosing not to carry it anymore is freeing and liberating beyond belief. It will allow you to finally breathe easier.
I’d like to be very clear here though. I’m not saying to pretend it didn’t happen, that’s not the step. This step is to realise you are carrying something that no longer serves your greatest and highest good. So put it down. Stop carrying it. However, putting it down, while a milestone in your forgiveness process, just means it’s there but you’re just not carrying it.
Perhaps right beside you, or behind you, or in front of you. Meaning you can pick up it far too easily again. So this last step, the hardest one, it the most vital.
3. Walk away.
So walking away doesn’t negate the fact that horrible or sad event ever happened. It doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt you. It doesn’t mean you are heartless or insensitive. In conjunction with the first two steps above, walking away empowers you to move on with your life. It’s strengthens you as you realise you do indeed have control over it and how much it will impact your life.
You know what happened, because you packed it up. You understand that while it did happen, it’s not part of you, because you put it down. And walking away allows you to put distance between you and it, thus creates the space on your path to welcome bigger and better things into your life. You won’t have the urge to pick it up again because it’s no longer near you — and you are too busy moving forward, looking ahead.
Rinse & repeat.
While this is indeed a three-step process, it’s not necessarily a once-off one. You may find you have to repeat a step or two to truly be able to walk away. But the love and light you will feel once you truly forgive is worth the exercise.
Remember, you are worth it – so don’t give up. I say that because this process has truly helped me in my life, and I hope it gives you some insights on how you can walk your life’s journey only carrying things which serve your greatest and highest good. Big love to you my friends, namaste. xo
Thank you for being able to put this down into words. Mentally feels like I knew this all along, but to find it in words, solidifies alot in my life.
You are most welcome Ali, I’m glad this was helpful for you! And thank you so much for stopping by – keep shining sweet friend! #biglove
Just before I started your course I had begun to realise that for me to move on in my life and to grow it was time that I found some way to forgive and to lay to rest this issue that has brought so much hurt and unhappiness to me over the past twenty and more years. As I work my way through the course I have learnt so much that has helped me to see things more clearly, thank you so much for this Namaste, I owe you so much for your words of encouragement and understanding.
Thank you so much for stopping by Carolyn – and bless! What a wonderful self-realisation you’ve undergone, I am so happy that you’re nurturing your soul and seeing things more clearly now! I’m very proud of you, and you are most welcome sweet friend! Keep it up! #biglove
It really is new discoveries which you offer in the blog which I visited on my journey with Reiki. Thanks.
You are most welcome Sethkumar, I’m so glad you’re enjoying the process of discovery on your journey! Keep shining x
Thank you for sharing these simple steps. Along with visualization, I find them very helpful for understanding how much of holding onto these past transgressions perpetuates pain which has past transpired. The metaphor of being bumped on an open wound resonated well with me. When I think about step 3, just walking away from the packed up baggage, part of me feels incomplete or irresponsible, like leaving luggage unattended at the airport. I think I will want to take a fourth step to bury it– not in my subconscious as it was before, but perhaps beneath a tree or where I might return a deceased loved one to the Earth. Then hopefully the decomposition of the emotion which no longer serves me can serve to create nutrients for the tree or richness for the earthworms.
Hi Mo, thank you so much for stopping by and you are most welcome – I’m so glad to hear you found this process helpful! And if adding another step helps you, and works for you, by all means feel free to do it! I hope you continue to blossom and shine that beautiful light of yours! #biglove
Thank you Melissa for helping me by showing a way to forgive as well as forget and move on. Thank you so much for spending the time creating your Reiki Master course, I’m on my way to become a better version of me and your help has been a God send. Namaste ?
Thank you so much for stopping by Joanne, and bless! You are so welcome, I’m so glad this was helpful for you and that you’ve enjoyed the Reiki course! Keep spreading your love & light! x
Thank you Melissa and I will ❤️
There are people I am not comfortable with, there are loads and loads of hates , hurts and bad feelings for people who are close. It is very difficult for me to pretend all the time ,like, there is no issue….even the first step seems very far…. almost unreachable
Hi Sumti, thank you for stopping by and bless – I understand! Please know that I do not endorse “pretending” – for me, forgiveness is all about letting go, so you can stop carrying around things which no longer serve your greatest and highest good. I hope you keep shining your light! x
Thank you so much for these very simple steps to follow.
Thank you so much for stopping by Reezaane! I’m glad you found them helpful! Big love x
Hi
It has been very hard for me to forgive even when is family I need to work a little more to let go, put down and walk away,
Namaste
Hi Carmen, thank you for taking the time to visit this blog – and I understand! I’m proud that you’re willing to work on letting go, putting it down – and walking away 🙂 Keep shining sweet friend! #biglove
I just started your course, and I love it! I needed this today. Something happened with my family and I’m feeling like I need to let it (and some things from the past ) go as a result. Those wounds were knocked and it made it all hurt again … You are so right on with that analogy! Thanks for the fantastic course. Namaste
Hi Jenn, thank you so much for stopping by and I’m very pleased to hear you’re enjoying the course — and that you found this blog helpful! You are most welcome sweet friend, keep shining your light x
Yes that was much needed. Thanks Melissa!
Hi Sherry, thank you so much for stopping by and I’m so happy you enjoyed the post! Keep shining sweet friend x
Thank you for this great article, Melissa! I just did your Rieki Master course! All these things are happening in my life naturally and the Reiki is a wonderful tool for showing me how to channel it. Again…thank you! Namaste #biglove
Julie Snyder
Hi Julie, thank you so much for taking the time to stop by – so glad you enjoyed my blog and have also enjoyed my Reiki course! Keep shining your light x
Yes, forgiveness is such a very powerful tool at our disposal as we reach for mental/emotional well-being and greater personal development.
Thank you so much for stopping by Rene, I’m glad you enjoyed my blog! Yes, forgiveness is indeed a very powerful tool! x
Thanks so much
I love the way you have described this process. It is an extremely effective way of letting go for me. Thank you.
Thank you so much Carolyne for stopping by, and you are most welcome! I hope you keep moving forward sweet friend! Big love x
This is very inspirational, I think with time and practice we all will learn to walk away for a better self.
Thank you so much for stopping by Claudia – and I’m so glad you enjoyed the post! I agree, with time and practice – we can all let go and forgive! Keep shining! #biglove
i’ve realised that for a number of issues, I may have packed it up, but not put it down. I may have put it down, but not walked away. Also in reflecting, I sense that these emotional pieces of baggage, have manifested into physical pains. I shall listen to/read again this post and reflect some more to identify the issue and go through this process with each issue. I like how you put it – rinse and repeat. Like a lot of things, we have to keep practicing so that it becomes like second nature. Bless you.
Thank you so much for stopping by Laura-Ann, I’m glad you found this blog helpful! And yes! 🙂 Rinse & repeat – to clear away those things which don’t serve us anymore. Thank you again and big love xo
Need to rinse and repeat on bigger issues, they are harder not to go back to. I can walk away but tend to wonder back again. One day I will not return. Namaste,
Hi Sandy, thank you for stopping by — and I trust that one day you will be able to pack it up, put it down and walk away 😉 Keep shining sweet friend! xo
thank you, Namaste
Thank you for taking the time to check out my blog Dikshita, and you’re most welcome! #biglove
definitely need this message
Thank you Sereathia, I hope it helped! Big love xo
its a life long effort
Namaste Cathy, it sure can be for some 🙂 #biglove to you! xo