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It goes without saying that dealing with bullying can be incredibly difficult, regardless of whether it’s happening to you, a family member or someone else you know. My heart aches as I read about victims of bullying, from a workplace tussle to the most severe extreme, such as a child’s suicide resulting from schoolyard hatred. And my heart aches even more so because the steps to transgress through this hate are so simple and so accessible. But ahhh, yes, I know, simple doesn’t always mean easy. But let’s work through this because I truly believe a bully’s victim can not just overcome situation, but triumph from it!
For those who haven’t read my blog about narcissists, what you might not realise is that every bully has reached some level of unhealthy narcissism. This means they have, within themselves, a deep fear of being un-valued, unimportant and unloved. Regardless of how they may act and what they may say, those inferiority feelings will be the root of their actions.
A bully sees in their target the ultimate thing they fear themselves – what they consider a weakness in their core – which is: not being loved or valued or important. So they pick their targets intelligently, whether they know it or not. A bully’s target, no matter how popular, well spoken, or well liked they are, eventually succumbs to the harassment. The target reacts, gets upset, cries, runs – and rightly so! Anyone would at first; however, a bully sees those reactions as weaknesses, and their affect on the person as a triumph. Therefore, the bully has shallowly replaced their own self-loathing with a form of ‘victory’ by making someone else feel inferior, unloved, un-valued, and worthless.
Well, as I’m sure you know, fighting fire with fire only creates more fire. It might feel good at the start, but when you walk away, there’s a massive blaze behind you. Of course, self-protection is key, so removing yourself from danger and harm is a top priority of course. However, long term, trying to fight a bully or relocation – while it may feel or be the right thing to do at that time and in that instance – might not prove to be a long-term solace for you.
I say this because, what if there’s another bully or another situation and you have not changed? You may be attacked again, and yet you’re weaker than before because you didn’t triumph over the last situation. And you’re not back to square one, you’re below square one. So what to do? Let’s put out the fire with water. Not more fire.
We need to start inside, with you, the victim. Right now. Don’t wait for tomorrow, don’t wait for another instance. Start. Right. Now. Remember, a bully picks their targets wisely – they don’t go after the self-confident, self-assured, self-loving people of this world. And if they do, their attempts are always in vain. They go after those who have doubts about themselves. So let’s fix that my sweet friends! 🙂
- AFFIRM. You beautiful soul. You have to rid your being of all those thoughts and emotions which make you feel so unworthy, so unloved, so lonely. You may not ‘feel’ it to be true when you first start affirming your worthiness, but I ask that you do it anyway. Affirm it out loud – as often as you can – and especially when you are feeling down or picked on:
I AM WORTHY.
I AM LOVED.
I AM GRATEFUL.
I AM ABUNDANT.
I AM VALUED.
Even if you don’t think you need to do it – do it! By verbalising and embracing affirmations you are resetting that life long programming that, somewhere deep in your subconscious, has made you feel just low enough to allow someone the opportunity to pick you out and put you down. If this is for a child, have them say and affirm and do it with them, too: YOU ARE WORTHY, YOU ARE LOVED, and so on. Build up your inner self-love, your inner confidence, and the rest pretty much takes care of itself!
- BE SENSIBLE. Building up your self worth doesn’t mean being cocky or arrogant though. Being the worthwhile loving being that you are means that you are sensible. For if and when the day arrives when a bully comes to you – they can knock as hard as they want on the front door, they can stamp their feet, they can aim arrows to your windows, but they can never, ever enter your spiritual house. As you remain emotionally unaffected and unscathed by their attack, the game is no longer fun for them. With no reaction to focus on with you, they are forced to look at their own self worth, a frightening prospect, so they’ll soon leave you alone in pursuit for something else that will make them feel better. It might not work the first time, or second time – but it will eventually work.
- MOVE ON. As with so many of my teachings, I must stress the importance of letting go and moving on. This is key for you to truly and lovingly triumph over a bully. Let the feelings towards them – of anger, fear, disgust, well up in you – but then exhale and let them all out. Shake out that last little bit, don’t leave anything inside. You do not need to carry anything which doesn’t serve your greatest and highest good. You are more worthy to feel good because you are good. So let it go and move on.
I hope these steps, or some variation of them, can help you or a loved one triumph over any feelings of unworthiness. And if you don’t already have my ebook, Powerful Self Healing in 5 Simple Steps, I encourage you to download it. It’s free and can help bolster the steps you take to remember how worthy, how loved, and how important you truly are. So when dealing with bullying, what you’re effectively doing is building up the real you. Remembering the worthy beautiful soul that you are and triumphing further into life!
I truly hope you know how much love is here for you my friend. Diffuse. Love. Move on. Love & light, Namaste xo